Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.