To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.

A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.

I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.