Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.