If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, "Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good." Hopefully it balances out.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.