If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!

Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.

Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".