If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that.

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.