Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.

Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.