Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.