It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.

I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.

Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.

If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.

Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

The planets. Now footnote, I'm including Pluto in the planets, because I think it's terrible what they did to Pluto. And it's still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.