My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.

I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.

The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

To me, comedy is a game.

When I was younger, I'd get very empirical with myself. "I have a hypothesis about myself. I'll put myself in a situation, see what happens, then I'll draw a conclusion based on the empirical evidence. Hypothesis: I can play basketball." So I'd try. "Conclusion: I cannot play basketball."

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".