My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.

Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?

You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.