My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.

I like people, for a little while.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

When I dropped out [from a law school], everybody was disappointed... But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Before that, I never realized how much I sought other people's approval. Once I figured that out, I was free to move on and seek the approval of other people, in comedy clubs and showbiz meetings.

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.