If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri MartinTo remove all credibility from what you're saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.
Demetri MartinSpecifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri MartinI can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin