My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.

When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?

People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.

I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.

I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.