To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing!

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.