I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

I never set out to do a sketch show.

I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.

If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'