I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.

I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.

When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.

I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.