I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
Demetri MartinLike a lot of people, Iโve always enjoyed commenting on strangersโ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on peopleโs hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.
Demetri MartinThere are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.
Demetri Martin