Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"