Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.

It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.

I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

To be creative, first I need to be really organized. If my apartment's messy I need to clean it. It's like before you start doing your homework or studying for a test, you have to have a clean room.