Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'

I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.

I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.