Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.