For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.

The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

I just found out that I have more allies than America!

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.