I love Buster Keaton and I love physical comedy when it's done in an emotionally understated way. I just like to play it, and I need the attention.

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'