What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.

Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.

I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

I just found out that I have more allies than America!

There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.