Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.

Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.