The question is, 'how bad at sports were you as a kid?' I grew up near where they film Jersey Shore. If you weren't tan, muscular, and book-averse, you were a dork and a nerd and a geek and stuff. I remember being into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.