If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.
They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing!
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.