I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.

If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.