You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.

I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world.

I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.

The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.

If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.