Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'

Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.