If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
At the battle of the bands the loser's always the audience.
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.