I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?
Demetri MartinI learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
Demetri MartinI used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri MartinI like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin