Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

When I dropped out [from a law school], everybody was disappointed... But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Before that, I never realized how much I sought other people's approval. Once I figured that out, I was free to move on and seek the approval of other people, in comedy clubs and showbiz meetings.