It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri MartinAs soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri MartinYour mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri MartinIt's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."
Demetri Martin