My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.