I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'