I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.

To me, comedy is a game.