I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.