I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.

Most stick people are black.

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.