You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.