You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.

I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.