Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.

The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.

I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected.

I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?

Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.

I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'