It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.