I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.