Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid.

What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way.

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'

Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.