Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.

I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.