Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'

For some reason cowboy sounds better than cowman.

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.