When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.

I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?

You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.

If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.