You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If I had to pick one artist to tile my bathroom I would go with MC Escher.

You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity; for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.