And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.
If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.
When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!
How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.
Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.
One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that was a shortcut on the way to the costume party.