Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.

I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.

THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.