Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.