Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.