Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.

Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.