If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.

I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. By the fourth week, I found it tedious. I got bored and grew restless. I had no other plan for a job, because from seventh grade on, I had planned on law. So I shifted my focus from classes to extracurricular activities.

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.