I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.

The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity; for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.

Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.