I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.