The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.

I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.

The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.

If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.