I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.

For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really mind sucking at something as long as I'm getting a little bit better at it along the way.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.