If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.