Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.

It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.