I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.
A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"