I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.

To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.

It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.

There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.