Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.

Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.

To me, comedy is a game.

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.