Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill.

Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.