Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.