Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

I love Steven Wright.

The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.

You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.