Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.

I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at my house. I think about it and I'm like, I don't know how I climbed out of there.